However, when visiting the butcher I spied some fresh bacon displayed. Suddenly, images of BLTs began floating in my head and the idea of a burger quickly became a faint memory.

Mmmm bacon.

Then my frugality set in and I realized that instead of spending $15 bucks at a restaurant I could pick up some of that bacon, a couple of potatoes and whip that shit up myself. After having the butcher wrap up half a pound of the thickly sliced smoked bacon, I headed over to the fruit and veg stand to grab some taters and other yummies. As I was picking out the potatoes, I was deciding how to slice them up. My mother was always partial to making her motherland’s British-style ‘chips’ – fat, soggy and drenched in vinegar, which have their merits, for sure. However, I knew that what I wanted were some nice shoestrings – or as close as I could get. Images of having to slice up potatoes into those fine strings began to haunt my grumbling belly. No way could I wait a second longer to enjoy my meal and with that I decided to pop into the local Sur La Table and pick up one a handy appliance to assist me in my time of need.

Sur La Table has some good, knowledgeable staff working for them, and if you are lucky, you can find someone to whom you can profess your cheapness to as well. I found luck on this run and was promptly taken to the mandolin/slicer area of the shop. After checking out several different options, including a one-use-only fry slicer, I finally decided on the cheapest Mandolin in the joint – an OXO Mandolin sliver – which set me back about $30.

Mandoline Slicer

I got that baby home and proceeded to get my lunch going. With the bacon in the skillet, I tackled the fries. Once they were peeled and ready to go, I loaded them up on the slicer, which was sitting at an angle, ready to go. Initially, I used the food handler which was provided. This doohickey allows you to stab the food with some tines attached to a handle to keep your fingers as far away from the blade as possible. However, I found that a potato does not work well with this add-on and quickly abandoned it (in fact, I have let to find anything that works well with this piece). After a few adjustments in the blade position, I was finally able to find the perfect setting to get the fries in my mind’s eye.

However, I did find that cutting the fries was much more time consuming that I anticipated. I found myself fantasizing about that one-use french fry cutter – the kind that looks like a giant garlic crusher, where a potato is loaded and pushed through all at once, leaving you with evenly cut fries within seconds. Maybe someday I will justify that one-use tool, but for the time being, I have to make my slicer work.

The fries came out great, fried up in the other skillet in a couple of inches of oil, served crispy with a delicious BLT.

Now, if only I had a deep fryer…..

Status: In Monthly rotation, as needed

Exchanging it was pretty easy. I got to Target as they opened and was only the 2nd person in line. I made sure to get a box that was clearly unopened and traded it for the piece they sold me yesterday, making sure to let the customer service rep know that it should not go back on the shelf.

Once I got it home, I set it up got all the veggies out and hit that ON switch.

Nothing.

What? Really? No way!

I refused to believe that a second one also did not work and looked more closely at the appliance. That was when I saw this:

That was when I realized that it said ‘handle’. I picked up the main container, repositioned it so the handle lined up with the text there and gave it another go.

Guess what? It worked. How do you like that.

Guess I made an extra trip to Target and harrassed the staff for no good reason other than my own stupidity. Or, as we like to call it in my world, bad user interface! Yeah, that’s it.

Anyhoo, the thing is awesome, worked like a charm, ground up the veggies for the dog like a charm. The only complaint I have is that since I am pulping out such a small amount, I have to repeatedly scrape down the sides, otherwise it just sticks there avoiding the blades. Otherwise, it gets a thumbs up from me.

Status: In daily rotation

Well, yesterday I finally found a justification – the dog. I have been reading up on a raw food diet for the dog and one of the items that falls into the recipe is vegatable pulp. I have been feeding the dog veggies for the last month or so, but really it has become a time consuming task, since dogs do not have the capacity to break down the cellulose walls of the veggies. This means that I need to do it for her. Since I have been lacking the processor to pulp up the veggies, I hve been doing it by hand with a knife. This can take quite some time as you can imagine. Yesterday, my husband suggested that we get a food processor so we can start feeding her a proper raw food diet. That was all I needed. The next day, I ran us over to Target to pick one up. I was prepared for prices starting at $100, but when I found was surprising. There were processors ranging from $29 – $89. Shit man, turns out I could have justified this cost a long ass time ago.

After comparing each model, we eventually settled on the Black & Decker Textured Series 500 watt Food Processor for $49 over the KitchenAid 7-Cup Food Processor for $89. I did not really see too much of a difference between the two and in the end, it was the price difference that sold me.

It was not until we were paying for it (and the other 18 things that ended up in our cart as trips to Target goes) that I noticed the box had been opened and taped shut. I pushed aside my initial reaction to trade it for an unopened box in order to get over that part of consumerism. My husband and I shrugged and continued with our purchase. Obviously, someone changed their mind and brought it back. No problem there, I figured.

When we got home, it happened to be dinner time for the pooch, so I went about setting up the new appliance to create her very first homemade meal. The first thing I noticed was a wee crack in the lid. I, again, pushed aside my initial reaction to return it and figured I would just call Black and Decker and ask them to send me out a replacement.

When I finally set up it, I decided that a test spin was in order before beginning to shove spinach and zuccinni in the thing. I pushed the pulse button and …. nothing. I pushed the on button…..nothing. I checked to make sure the base was locked in place. It was. I checked to make sure the blade was in place properly it was. The power light was on so I know it was not the outlet. I checked the manual to see if I was missing something….nada.

The fucking thing is broken and was clearly returned for that reason. Target, put it back on the shelf. Damn them.

I stuffed everything back into the box without packing it properly in an attempt to keep it from going back onto the shelf.

Guess what I am doing tomorrow?

Sigh.

I, accepting, was in awe that there was a device dedicated to this simple act. As if boiling water, pouring it over tea bags in a pitcher and leaving it in the fridge for a few hours was that hard. This appliance made it possible to have iced tea within minutes, as it brewed into a large pitcher which you fill with ice, thereby allowing you to enjoy a frosty beverage many hours sooner than doing it the old fashioned way!

I decided right then and there that I had to have it.

The next time I found myself at the Broadway department store I made a bee-line for the appliance section, picked one up and ran home.

My main issue reared it’s head upon first usage: I did not have an ice maker like my friends did. I was then (and continue to be) a slave to refilling ice cube trays. The iced tea maker required a full pitcher of ice, which meant I would need at least 4x the amount of ice I could produce. Issue. This meant that I could not enjoy a fresh, cold glass of tea immediately, as I previously thought. It meant that I would have to employ the assistance of the refrigerator to help with the chill factor or go out and buy a bag of ice. Also, a glass of iced tea requires, by it’s very name, ice and since I had used all of it for the pitcher, I would have to freeze some more. Big SIGH.

It sat in my cupboard for years making an occassional appearance when the desire to get off the Coke hit. However, overall the thing sat collecting dust more than anything else until one summer day when I brought that bitch into the office.

I set up it, completely filled the pitcher with ice from the dedicated ice maker we have in the office kitchen, tossed in a bunch of the tea bags, hit brew and posted a “Have some tea’ note on it. It was a big hit at the office, especially in the hot weather.

As it moved into fall, the ice tea maker fell inert and sat in the corner of the office kitchen. It remains there to this day, now passing it’s 2 year mark. Recently someone ran off with the pitcher for the maker , leaving us no vessel into which we can dispense the tea, should some ever decide to actually make a pot, which I suspect, no one ever will

Not knowing what it really was, I went ahead and ordered one. How bad could something be if the varieties included ham/cheese or banana/honey (among others). A ‘jaffle’ as it turned out was a grilled, sealed sandwich, and, delicious. At one bed and breakfast I managed to spy one of the cooks making one. The thing was an iron round press on a long handle that sat over an open fire. Much like this thing:

Minus the embossed logo in the sandwich and the round shape (the ones in Bali were square) and add a bit more of a primative look.

Anyhow, the point I am trying to make is that I enjoyed the hell out of those sandwiches enough to make me want to recreate them back home.

Once I got back to the states, the closest thing I could find to make some jaffles was the Toastmaster Sandwich maker, which I quickly picked up and put to use. First off, the name itself is a misnomer as the thing does not make the sandwich for you, but simply grill the thing. Let’s be real here. Aside from that little nitpit, I found some key differences – once being the seam in the middle that split/seals the single sandwich in two pieces. That split center really limits the amount of ingredients per sandwich. Sealing it off like that allows for less inside. Additionally, if you want to put anything that does not separate by heat alone, say, ham, then you have to make sure that you do not intersect that seam, otherwise you are still going to have to pull out a knife.

Second issue is that is it not big enough for a standard slice of bread, which means that you have to prep the bread first and slice off the crusts. Major pain in the ass when all you want to do is slap some bread, cheese and ham in the thing. Also, if you accidentally cut the bread too small, you screw up your sealing.

Which brings me to the last problem with this device. Sealing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. It all depends on the ratio of bread surface area : ingredients. If you do not have a perfect ratio, be prepared to have a poorly put together sandwich.

Overall, I do not recommend this item as it has too many rules to stick to. I wish I had seen the Diablo stovetop sandwich maker before getting this Toastmaster, but such is life before high-speed wireless. Maybe someday I will check the Diablo out, but for now, a pan works just fine.

Status: Used about 4 times over 6 years. Eventually given to a friend, where I am positive it remains dormant in her cupboard.

Nope.

Appliances!!!!!

Marriage was never a goal of mine. I did not have my wedding planned out since I was 6. It seemed useless to me for most of my life. That is, until a found myself coveting my friends’ new kitchen appliances. Everytime I asked her where she got whatever it was I was drooling over, the answer was always the same: Wedding Gift.

“Damn,” I thought, “I need to get married!” So married I got, dragged my beloved into my crazy ideas, but took on the task of creating our registry alone.

One of the first things on my list: Bialetti Cappuccino Maker, an Italian stovetop cappucino maker.

I love coffee, and I love even more lattes. However, twice daily runs to ‘bucks is not great on the finances. On top of that, most *affordable* home cappucino machines really make a lousy drink. When I saw this baby, I had an idea that maybe it was the answer to all my coffee-related issues.

Boy, was I right.

When it arrived, I dutifully read the directions cover to cover while my husband decided to just make a cup. Turns out, reading the directions were important. By the time I had a chance to correct him, coffee and milk covered half of the kitchen walls, and some of the floor and ceiling. Turns out, there are right and wrong ways to use this little doohickey.

However, when you put the correct amount of water in the bottom, place the basket of non-overflowing ground espresso in the basket over it, screw the top on nice and tight, press and twist the pressure value on correctly and fill the top portion with milk, and place over a burner on medium heat, you will end up with a perfectly delicious cappuccino with froth!

Now, I admit that while I do love this thing, the results sometimes vary. I have, at times, gotten a very watered down capp or a sour capp, but I do believe that this is all due to several factors – most pointing at me. User error be damned! It still does not deter me from enjoying a nice lovely coffee every single morning without ever having to stop on the way to work and drop $5.

Status: It’s a keeper! In use daily since it arrived.

When I finally got my hands on that thing, I made Sno Cones but found that it was too much of a pain in the ass to make the syrup. Usually we just used whatever soda, juice, delight was in the fridge and that was what flavor sno-cone I enjoyed.

After a couple of weeks I grew tired of cleaning up the mess and also realized that the sno-cones tasted kind of manky. It sat in my room, on the window sill for the next 5 years untouched.

Thus began my journey as an appliance whore. One at the front door, another out the back.

Status: Most likely (shamefully) sitting in a landfill somewhere