There are a few things in my life that I have always wanted but never found a reason to actually go out and purchase. One of those things happens to be a food processor. While I have found myself lusting after one here and there, I never really could justify the cost. When I come across recipes that require a food processor, I simply passed it over. It seemed to be one of those appliances that really required a dedicated cook, and that I was not.

Well, yesterday I finally found a justification - the dog. I have been reading up on a raw food diet for the dog and one of the items that falls into the recipe is vegatable pulp. I have been feeding the dog veggies for the last month or so, but really it has become a time consuming task, since dogs do not have the capacity to break down the cellulose walls of the veggies. This means that I need to do it for her. Since I have been lacking the processor to pulp up the veggies, I hve been doing it by hand with a knife. This can take quite some time as you can imagine. Yesterday, my husband suggested that we get a food processor so we can start feeding her a proper raw food diet. That was all I needed. The next day, I ran us over to Target to pick one up. I was prepared for prices starting at $100, but when I found was surprising. There were processors ranging from $29 - $89. Shit man, turns out I could have justified this cost a long ass time ago.

After comparing each model, we eventually settled on the Black & Decker Textured Series 500 watt Food Processor for $49 over the KitchenAid 7-Cup Food Processor for $89. I did not really see too much of a difference between the two and in the end, it was the price difference that sold me.

It was not until we were paying for it (and the other 18 things that ended up in our cart as trips to Target goes) that I noticed the box had been opened and taped shut. I pushed aside my initial reaction to trade it for an unopened box in order to get over that part of consumerism. My husband and I shrugged and continued with our purchase. Obviously, someone changed their mind and brought it back. No problem there, I figured.

When we got home, it happened to be dinner time for the pooch, so I went about setting up the new appliance to create her very first homemade meal. The first thing I noticed was a wee crack in the lid. I, again, pushed aside my initial reaction to return it and figured I would just call Black and Decker and ask them to send me out a replacement.

When I finally set up it, I decided that a test spin was in order before beginning to shove spinach and zuccinni in the thing. I pushed the pulse button and …. nothing. I pushed the on button…..nothing. I checked to make sure the base was locked in place. It was. I checked to make sure the blade was in place properly it was. The power light was on so I know it was not the outlet. I checked the manual to see if I was missing something….nada.

The fucking thing is broken and was clearly returned for that reason. Target, put it back on the shelf. Damn them.

I stuffed everything back into the box without packing it properly in an attempt to keep it from going back onto the shelf.

Guess what I am doing tomorrow?

Sigh.

Once, when picking up some, um, stuff from a friends joint, I was offered a glass of iced tea by his Texan girlfriend. She told me she manged to kick her thrice-daily 64 oz. Super Big Gulp by brewing tea at home with her fancy new iced tea maker.

I, accepting, was in awe that there was a device dedicated to this simple act. As if boiling water, pouring it over tea bags in a pitcher and leaving it in the fridge for a few hours was that hard. This appliance made it possible to have iced tea within minutes, as it brewed into a large pitcher which you fill with ice, thereby allowing you to enjoy a frosty beverage many hours sooner than doing it the old fashioned way!

I decided right then and there that I had to have it.

The next time I found myself at the Broadway department store I made a bee-line for the appliance section, picked one up and ran home.

My main issue reared it’s head upon first usage: I did not have an ice maker like my friends did. I was then (and continue to be) a slave to refilling ice cube trays. The iced tea maker required a full pitcher of ice, which meant I would need at least 4x the amount of ice I could produce. Issue. This meant that I could not enjoy a fresh, cold glass of tea immediately, as I previously thought. It meant that I would have to employ the assistance of the refrigerator to help with the chill factor or go out and buy a bag of ice. Also, a glass of iced tea requires, by it’s very name, ice and since I had used all of it for the pitcher, I would have to freeze some more. Big SIGH.

It sat in my cupboard for years making an occassional appearance when the desire to get off the Coke hit. However, overall the thing sat collecting dust more than anything else until one summer day when I brought that bitch into the office.

I set up it, completely filled the pitcher with ice from the dedicated ice maker we have in the office kitchen, tossed in a bunch of the tea bags, hit brew and posted a “Have some tea’ note on it. It was a big hit at the office, especially in the hot weather.

As it moved into fall, the ice tea maker fell inert and sat in the corner of the office kitchen. It remains there to this day, now passing it’s 2 year mark. Recently someone ran off with the pitcher for the maker , leaving us no vessel into which we can dispense the tea, should some ever decide to actually make a pot, which I suspect, no one ever will